I’m Cheating on My Husband With an Inmate (Short Story)

What started so innocent became my biggest fear. Of all people, how could this happen to me? I’m a God-fearing Christian woman. I love the Lord with all my heart, and I absolutely love my husband. So how can I be in so deep with this inmate?

His words pierced the depths of my soul. Every stroke his pencil made was done in love. I felt warm in places that would send me to hell as I read his letter. How can this happen to me? I can’t sleep. I can’t eat without thinking about him. I even think about him in my most intimate moments with my husband. What is wrong with me? I’m saved and sanctified by God. I’m filled with the Holy Spirit, so why on earth do I feel the need to see this man?

Every inch of my body yearns for him. The moment I think not to write him back, something screams within me and shouts, “Open the letter.” I’d let it sit there for hours before I finally give in. The scent he leaves on each letter tangles my heart deeper into the depths of his soul. He and I are complete. I must see this man. I must confess my love to him in person. I need to feel him. I know what I have to do.

The summer was hot here in Mississippi. I sat out on my porch watching the cars drive by, hoping to catch a breeze. My husband Aaron was out cutting the grass as he normally does each Saturday morning.

Aaron is a very simple and predictable guy. He has kept the same routine since we were kids: work during the week and chores on the weekends. He’s a mama’s boy but in a good way. I think he keeps his routine as a way of reminiscing about his childhood with his parents. Surprisingly, he enjoys housework, both inside and out. He and his mom would always clean the kitchen together during the week, and on weekends, he and his dad would do yard work. His eyes light up every time he tells me about his time spent with his parents, or when he would share one of the stories they would tell him. He loves hearing their stories. Sometimes they would make up stories or tell him about their childhood. Now he does the same thing with our son Adam. Our other son Avery doesn’t enjoy being outside much. He clings to me in the house.

I love my family. It’s beautiful and nothing I’d ever imagine, not that I ever thought I’d have a horrible family. I just didn’t picture it to be so perfect. My sons are extremely intelligent, and my husband is a complete gentleman. The only thing I sometimes wish we had is a girl. I dreamed of having one for years, but I guess it’s not too late to have her, God willing. The only thing on my mind is whether I’m supposed to. To be completely honest with you, ever since I met Jeffrey, the inmate, I wonder if I married the right man. Now, I know that sounds silly, but the way he makes me feel is nothing I can describe. I honestly don’t understand the feeling. It has left me utterly confused.

I’m sure you’re wondering how I got hooked up with an inmate. I didn’t plan for this to happen. It just sort of happened. Which, by the way, makes me feel like perhaps God wanted this to happen. But anyway, as I mentioned before, I am a God-fearing woman. I love serving the Lord and His people, so when one of the members from church asked if I would volunteer in a program to serve inmates, I couldn’t say no.

Matthew 25 and Hebrews 13 teach us to care for those in prison. Yes, some of them have done wrong, but we all make mistakes. God forgives, and it is not our place to judge others unless we want to be judged as well. Some people who are in prison are also innocent. I thought it was a great idea to serve and pray for those who are in there.

My job was to only be partnered with an inmate and to encourage them through letters. I was partnered with Jeffrey. He shared a little about himself, and then we began to learn more about each other over time.

He is serving 20 years for a murder he did not commit. Of course, I did my research to confirm the validity of his story. When he was 17, he and his friends were hanging out. One of his friends was a bit of a hothead, or should I say he was a hothead. He had a nasty temper. Someone bumped into him at a restaurant without apologizing. He was upset and started a fight. Jeff stopped the fight and pulled his friend off. He then pushed him to the car, where they all cooled off. Once they were all calm, they drove off. He thought everything was fine, but about 15 minutes later, his friend decided to go back to the restaurant and kill the man that bumped into him. Jeffrey had no knowledge that he was going to do that. His friend lied and said he believed he lost something there and was going to go in and check. Jeff and their other friend were waiting in the car when they heard gunshots. When his friend ran back to the car, he yelled go they’re shooting in there and Jeffrey drove off. His life ended before it even began. He was only 17.

My heart goes out to our women and men innocent and behind bars. That’s why I was so quick to say yes to volunteering to support them, but I never expected this to happen. I think about him day and night. Sometimes it is distracting and comes between my daily activities, but I have learned to control it some.

I get so happy when his letter comes every Saturday. I sat and waited. When the mailman pulled up, I buried my excitement within me.

“Hey, Louey!” Aaron shouted.

“Hey, hey! How’s it going, man?”

“Pretty good. Pretty good. I can’t complain.”

“Hey, Lou! What you got for us?” I called out to him.

“Same ol,’ Mrs. Ma’am,” he laughed. “Here you go. Y’all have a pleasant day now.”

“You too, Lou.” I thumbed through the mail until I got what I was looking for. I snuck off while my husband and son were occupied with yard work. I went upstairs and found Avery in our room. “Now what you doin’ watchin’ cartoons in here for, Son?”

“TV is better in here, Mama.”

“Uh-huh. Well, you gon’ have to come back, love. Mama needs some me time.”

“Aww, man.”

“I ain’t no man, boy. Come back in an hour.”

“Uhhh,” he huffed and puffed out the door.

“Love you,” I smiled.

“Love you,” he went downstairs.

I closed the door and opened the envelope. I quickly placed the letter up to my nose. Ahh, the smell captures me every time. I leaped back onto the bed and smiled. He made me feel like a young schoolgirl with a crush. His letters always smelled like cologne. It had a mysterious smell to it. On one hand, it was light and fresh with a hint of citrus. But on the other hand, it was a manly man’s smell. It had a musk scent to it. It made me feel like he was in the woods all day. Maybe he sprayed more than one cologne because it depended on where I placed my nostrils. Either way, I was in love.

Once I got enough of his smell, I was engulfed by his words:

To The Woman I Wish I Could Be Wed,

My love, how long must I feel this way? On one hand, I feel so much love and passion, but on the other hand, I am grieved with so much pain. How can I grieve a woman I have never had? How can I grieve a woman I have not lost?

I think about you day and night. I think about how beautiful your life must be without me. The thought of having you and Avery and Adam being our children has driven me insane. I’ve never wanted something so bad. Not even the thought of having my freedom has cut me this deep.

I feel a deep conflict within my soul because I’m so happy that I have met you, but a part of me wishes we never met. A part of me wishes I never signed up to be partnered with you because then maybe I wouldn’t know such great pain.

But I do want you to know that the pain does not compare to the love I have acquired for you. Every part of me wants to be with you, but I know that will never happen. It sounds like you have a wonderful man, and I could only hope to be as blessed as he is.

Anyway, I think about you in the most intimate ways. I’m flattered you think about me too. I love the photo you sent me. Please send me more. Please send me photos of Adam and Avery as well.

My love, you can’t even imagine what I feel every time I think of you. I have never felt such love for a woman like this in my life. I want to make love to you. I want to know what it’s like to be so deeply connected to you. What is it like to press against your lips? What is it like to press my bare chest against yours? I can only hope and imagine what it will be like. If only I had found you sooner, then you would be mine in a few years. But things didn’t work out that way, so I guess we’ll never know…

Ahh, I thought to myself. This man’s words leave me utterly speechless. And as I have said before, it makes me warm in places that’ll send me to hell. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think, but it didn’t matter at that moment because all I could do was think about how much pleasure it would be to be with him. I had an intimate moment with myself as I thought of him and continued reading his letter. His smell caused me to rise to the occasion.

“Knock, knock,” I heard at the door.

“LINDA! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”

I was completely embarrassed to be caught by my best friend Linda. I didn’t even hear her come up the stairs! Why doesn’t she ever knock and wait to be let in? Ugh!

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I’m sorry! I came over to see what you were up to and I see,” she laughed.

“Girl, that’s not funny.”

“You gotta admit it was a little funny.”

“Not even a little. When will you learn to knock and wait to be let in?”

“Girl, never,” she laughed, which caused me to laugh. She always had a way of lightening the situation. I was completely embarrassed, but she somehow made me get over my embarrassment. “Don’t worry about it. Everybody does it,” she winked and whispered. “I’m just surprised you are. Girl, ain’t yo man right outside with his muscles all out, getting all sweaty?”

“Girl, hush.”

“Y’all not get it in enough?”

“Stop it.” I laughed.

“I’m just messin’ around, so what’s up? I’mma sit over here in this chair since I see what’s been going on in the bed today.”

“You know what, get out.” I threw my pillow at her.

“Okay, I’m done,” she laughed, snorting like a pig. Her laugh always made me laugh and lightened any situation.

“I’ll be back,” I walked into our on-suite restroom. “So, what brings you by? You bored?” I yelled through the restroom door.

“No, girl. Malcolm was driving me insane. He is still trying to fix our tub. I haven’t been able to bathe in five weeks! I just want my tub back. I’m tired of having to go to the spare room to shower.”

“He still won’t let you call a plumber?”

“No! I swear I want to just call one and make it seem as if he fixed it.”

“Won’t he be able to tell, though?”

“Probably. That’s why I haven’t called one.”

“Ohhhh.”

“Who is Jeffrey?”

“What???” I rushed out, finding her reading my letter. “Where did you get that?”

“It was right here on the dresser. Who is Jeffrey? Why is he writing you?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Oh, honey. It didn’t look like nothing to me. He was talking about Adam and Avery. What’s going on?”

“Why you so nosey?” I snatched the letter.

“Are you having an affair?”

“Linda, shut up,” I stared at the door. I walked over and peeked into the hallway. I could hear laughter and the TV downstairs. I closed the door and thought about telling Linda about my newfound love. I desperately wanted to talk to someone about it, but I didn’t want to be judged either. Linda was also a part of the church and could be judgy sometimes.

“Well?” She continued.

“I’m not having an affair,” I whispered. “Jeffrey is the inmate I was partnered with.”

“Oh, wow! And he’s talking to you like that? Don’t you think that’s weird? Where does he get off calling you the woman he wishes he could wed? Sounds like he’s fallen off the wagon, don’t you think?”

“It’s complicated.”

“IT’S COMPLICATED?” She repeated. Her eyes were so wide I thought they were going to pop out. I knew this was a bad idea and should have kept it to myself. “You feel something for this man?” She leaned in and asked.

“No, Linda. It’s just…”

“You feel something for him,” she repeated, this time as a statement. There were no questions to ask. She knew. “How long?”

“Linda…”

“Tell me! How long have you felt this way about him?”

“I don’t know. For months now. We’ve been writing to each other for months. I don’t know what to do.”

“You have to stop! You’re married!”

“I know. I know. I can’t. I love him. He makes me feel so unique. So loved. I just don’t know.”

“Hmm…”

“Go ahead. Say it. You think I’m dumb, disgusting, a horrible person. Say it. I can handle it.”

“What? No! I don’t think that. I’ve known you all my life. Why would you think I would think that about you?”

“Because…”

“You feel that way about yourself. Stop projecting your feelings onto me. I don’t think that about you, but since I don’t think that about you, I know something is wrong. You need to talk about it before it ruins your marriage.”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d get all preachy and judgy.”

“Judgy? No, no, no… Judgy is me agreeing with how you feel about yourself right now. Judging is me judging who you are based on your unusual behavior. That’s judging. We gotta stop accusing people of judging when they’re just being honest. I am judging this situation and this is not right. Because I know the type of person you are, I know this is not typical behavior for you, so something is wrong. I know you agree, and that’s why you feel that way about yourself. How dare you accuse me of being judgy.”

“I’m sorry! I just don’t know what to do. I really love him.”

“No, you don’t. Maybe he’s wooing you in ways you desire, but you don’t love him. He’s in jail for crying out loud. Have you even met him? How can you love him? What’s going on with you? The friend I know wouldn’t cheat.”

“I’m not cheating! We haven’t had sex.”

“But you’re getting off to his letter! I saw this in your hand when I walked in. You’re having an emotional relationship with him. If this isn’t cheating, what do you call it? Is this something you want Aaron to know about? What if he was sexting someone? Would that be cheating?”

“Oh my God! I’m cheating! Oh my God! What am I going to do?”

“You gotta let him go.”

“I’ve already tried to. I can’t. I think about him night and day. He’ll be out in three years and possibly sooner.”

“And?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Do you hear yourself? What the fuck are you thinking right now?”

“Linda! Don’t use that language in my house. Thou shall not curse!”

“Thou shall not cheat! What the fuck? Stop being so holier than thou. This…” she snatched the letter from my hand. “This does not make you holy, so stop. You know… For someone who is always calling people out for being ‘judgy,’ you’re pretty judgy yourself.”

“I am not.”

“You just talked shit about Danny for cheating on Kim.”

“Language!”

“You called him all kinds of nasty names and here you are, cheating!”

“Okay! I’m horrible like him! Is that what you want to hear?”

“No, I want to hear you’re going to get some help. This is not typical behavior for you. You love your husband. You don’t believe in divorce or cheating. And you definitely don’t believe in leaving your husband and waiting up to 3 years for some prison break. Where is he going to stay? With you and the kids? Have you thought about how Adam and Avery will feel about this?”

“I could have sworn I locked the door,” I mumbled.

“Well, maybe you did and God opened it back because He knew I was coming. This is a warning. You need to stop before you lose something exceptional. Your husband and children are amazing. Get your shit together and talk to someone. I will go with you if it helps. I just need you to really think about what you’re doing. This is not healthy and it is not love. It is lust.”

“Linda, I’m saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled. I don’t understand how this can happen.”

“That’s what’s wrong with church folks. Yes, we’re saved. We’re sanctified and filled with the Spirit, but we are still human with a sinful nature. We have to submit to the Spirit and allow Him to work within us. We still have free will. Having the Spirit doesn’t take away our sinful nature. Something is going on inside you and this man has brought it out. That’s all this is. You have the opportunity to figure out what it is and correct it before you mess this up. Fix it.”

I sighed. As much as I wanted Linda to be wrong, I knew she was right. I just didn’t know if I should try to fix this on my own or tell Aaron. I don’t know how he will handle this.

It’s been two weeks since my talk with Linda. She has been trying to help me ever since. A part of me is in agreement, another part of me wants to be sure Jeffrey and I do not have something special. I haven’t written him back, but another letter came in today. That’s the fourth one.

“Don’t open it,” Linda yelled through the phone. “Send it back so he will think you moved or something. Oh my gosh! Wait! He has your address! You have to tell him you want to be with Aaron and this isn’t right. What if he’s crazy and comes after you when he gets out?”

“I don’t think he’ll do that. But he has feelings for me. Maybe I should tell him in person.”

“No, don’t do that. That’s crazy. Don’t go see him.”

“I have to. I need to see him, Linda. I need closure, and I’m sure he does too. I can handle this.”

“I think this is a bad idea.”

“Too late. I already drove to see him.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not,” I sat outside the prison. I was nervous but needed to see him.

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the prison.”

“WHAT!!!”

“I can handle this. I’m just going to talk to him and give him back all his letters if I can.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you if I couldn’t talk you out of it.”

“I need to do this on my own. I got this. Don’t worry. I’ll call you later. Love you. Bye.” I hung up. I got out of the car and proceeded to be checked in. My heart leaped with every step I took. Linda kept calling, so I turned off my phone. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.

The check-in process seemed complicated. At first, I thought I was in the wrong place, but I showed them a photo of Jeffrey and they led me to the waiting area. I sat at a table waiting patiently. I smoothed out my sundress and made sure my makeup didn’t smear from all of my sweat. When he finally came out, I thought to myself, there go those warm places again. I smiled and waved as he looked, to my surprise, confused. Maybe he’s shocked to see me here, or maybe he’s upset because I haven’t written him back.

I stood up when he finally reached the table.

“Hi,” was the only thing I could utter from my lips.

“You asked to see me?” He asked, confused.

“Yes, my love. It’s me. Don’t you recognize me?”

“You do look familiar,” he sat down. “How do we know each other?”

“Jeffrey, it’s me. We write to each other all the time.”

“Ohh, you’re looking for my cellmate, Todd. His middle name is Jeffrey. I think that’s what he uses on his letters.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I don’t get too much mail.”

“But you are the man in the photos. You’ve sent me multiple photos.”

“Well, Todd did ask me for some before. He told me his family and girl wanted to see who he was sharing a cell with. They send me stuff sometimes. Sort of like family. I didn’t know he was sending it out and saying he was me.”

“Oh my God. Please tell me you’re joking. You’re mad at me. You’re upset that I haven’t written you back.”

“Nah, I don’t know you. I’ve never spoken to you a day in my life.”

“You have been in here for almost 20 years serving for a crime you didn’t commit.”

“Yeah, fucked up, huh?”

“It’s you. You are who I have been writing to. We’ve sent so many letters to each other. You said you love me. I told you about my sons, and you wish they were yours.”

“Nah, that’s Todd. He’s been talking to some chick with kids. He’s a part of some sort of program. I didn’t sign up. That’s Todd.”

“No! It’s you!” I cried.

“Lady, calm down,” he looked around. “Chill out. I’m not him, but I could be if you want to. Let’s start by giving me your name again.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re saying you didn’t write any of these?” I handed him the letters.

“Sorry, ma. This isn’t my handwriting. I didn’t write you, but I wish I did. You seem so passionate. Never heard of a woman loving a man in prison she never met. You a real one.”

“Oh, my gosh. I’m going to be sick,” I began hyperventilating as I thought about how complicated check-in was. “I have to go.”

“Wait, don’t leave now. Please, tell me your name. What did my cellmate say about me? How many photos did he send?”

“Wait, he sent me one of you and his cellmate,” I searched through the photos but couldn’t find it.

“Well, we’ve taken a pic together before. So you’re really in love with me? Well, him? I’m a good guy. I get out soon.”

“What’s Todd’s last name?”

“Phelps.”

“Thank you. I have to go.”

“Wait, will I see you again?” I got up to leave. I couldn’t believe I got played.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Linda reacted to the news.

“I wish I was,” I sighed.

“How the hell you get catfished by someone in jail?”

“Linda, please.”

“I’m just saying. That’s crazy, but I’m glad it’s over. Now you can let it go and move on.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Look, I gotta go.”

“Okay. Well, call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

“Alright, bye.”

“Bye.”

Even though I knew she was right, I knew I couldn’t let go. I need answers.

Thanks for reading. Comment what you think should happen next. Your comment just might be what shapes part two of this story.

Love,

Jaz